I’ve been thinking of sharing some questions here on the blog specifically for you all to respond to. One of the things that I like about blogging is the potential for interaction. I don’t really have a lot of readers, so there’s not a whole lot of participation at this point. I thought these questions would stimulate some discussion.
So here is the first “What’s Up With That?” Question:
What does it mean (practically, in daily life together) to hold Christ as the center of a marriage? What do you do to keep yourselves and each other focused on Him?
I’m looking forward to all your thoughts on this. Please consider sharing this post via the share links to get more people involved.
UPDATE: Answering My Own Question
Thank you so much to y’all who ventured to post some thoughts on this question. I really appreciate it.
Personally, I’ve realized that I used to try to get my wife and I to do certain things out of the wrong motivation: a religious spirit. I might suggest that we sit down each night and do a devotion or pray together, or read the Bible because it was what (I thought) good Christian couples do. And so we’d buy a book or something and awkwardly struggle through reading it and trying to force some discussion. Sometimes this would even end in arguing over some topic or idea that was in the reading.
Now, I’m not against anyone doing devotions or reading the Bible together. But remember my motivation: the religious spirit. I was doing this to perform for God and then expecting God to deliver to me a perfect marriage.
One thing I realized about this approach is that I was assuming that God always wanted to teach us both the same lesson. However, I’ve learned that my wife and I are vastly different people. We spend time with the Lord in different ways, and we are not necessarily learning the same thing at the same time. It is interesting how the Lord will often reveal different pieces of the same situation to my wife and I. We only learn what the other person has received when we share these things with each other. Together, we have a more complete picture.
What I believe we (my wife and I) have learned together is to be sensitive, aware, and on the lookout for what Jesus is up to in our lives already. So, if we have an issue, or someone comes to us for help with a problem, or there is something to discuss with the kids, finances, health, and so on (the list is endless), the underlying question behind it all is “what is Jesus up to here”. We share the Lord now without relying on devotional study guides for couples. We share the Lord as he presents himself in a myriad of different ways each day.
Let me tell you, it is electric when something happens and my wife and I realize that it has Jesus written all over it. And there is so much life when we share this with each other.
Again, I’m not against devotional times, quiet times, praying together, and so on. We do these things when we feel the Spirit leading us in that direction. These are usually for very short seasons in our experience. Sharing with each other what we see Jesus doing every day is for the long haul.
So, we keep Jesus in the center of our marriage by being aware and sensitive to what he is doing in our midst and sharing with each other.
Additionally, something that I have done personally is to ask Jesus to help me understand his character so that I can recognize when I am and am not allowing him to express his character through me. As a Christian, I desire to allow Christ to express his character and nature through me. I want to love, play, be honest, compassionate, tenacious, and faithful as he is. It’s a dangerous request, because I believe Jesus will take you seriously and you will have to lay down certain behaviors, ideals, and expectations. But as with anything with Jesus, his solution is always best.